Feb 9, 2009
Eugene, OR Report
I have completely fallen in love with Eugene, Oregon. It is one of those little oddball towns that is full of quirk. There is a strong sense of community and even when someone believes something weird, they feel passionately about it. There are always festivals and things going on. People dress uniquely. There are a lot of ethnic cafes and little quirky coffee shops. I got to know several people whom I think may become lifelong friends. I felt completely at ease in that town, as if I belonged there. You could walk around with hot pink hair and snorkel fins on and no one would blink an eye. So, it is definite, we are moving to Eugene.

And... we have room mates; Jeremy and Lyra, who, if you went to Faerieworlds, you may remember are the lovely fire dancers. Both of them are lovely people and I am looking forward to cohabitating with them... particularly in that beautiful faerie glen house.

So life will change drastically in the next 3 months.

Feb 2, 2009
My Faerie Balls Report
Friday Night's Good Faeries Ball was lovely. To be honest, I am not much of a good faerie and did not expect to be into most of the music, but I was! Tricky Pixie charmed everyone- and I have decided that though they are alright on their CDs, they are phemomenal live. I bought the live CD but it is a bit shaky. If you get a chance to see them live, do NOT miss it. The entry hall is filled with about a dozen or so merchant booths. I was very happy to see that no one was phoning it in. All the merchandise is of high handmade quality, and trust me, I looked. I was actually researching pricing for my booth at FW later this year. Though some of the items are a bit expensive, and a couple of booths overpriced for the crowd demographic- the merhcandise is good, unique and worth the money if you have it to spend. I purchased some art cards from a booth ________ and a beautiful handmade book from the guilded quill________________ and then later was blissful to find that the two items I liked the most were made by my online friends from the comfy tribe.

Trillian Green is now one of my favorite bands. Again, their CD's do not justify them. Live, the sound is fuller, more ethereal, and a lot more rock and roll. The thing both me and my husband noted about Trillian Green is how much they were enjoying themselves. It was infectuous. I danced my ass off, and a note about that- it is easier to dance on the good faeries night as there is only half the crowd and more room on the dance floor to move around.

A note about people with HUGE wings: dearies, I love you, but while your wings work wonderfully at the main FW, at the balls, they annoy everyone. Huge wings knock everyone in the face on the dance floor, knock into merchandise in the booths and generally make the night more difficult for you as well. I highly recommend investing in small wings or even draped fabric wings to enjoy your experience more... and to let us enjoy ours. I actually have a bloodshot eye where a guy on the dance floor with an eight foot wing span decided to dance and knocked me in the face.

Idea: Could the establisment have some kind of storage area for shoes and other items people end up ditching before the night is out? A LOT of people just cast off their shoes, coats (even though there was a coat check room) and other items ON THE DANCE FLOOR or against the wall. It ended up looking littered or being a landmine of shoes. FAERIES: Bring a sling or backpack to put your things in please. Please, please.

BIG Complaint: Sorry to complain, but there was nowhere to sit down. The lounge is for 21 with ID only (which no one was warned that this would be the only place to sit, so many did not bring IDs- for instance, mine is European and does not state my age) and the small theater seating area on the main floor is covered with people's cast off belongings. I know there is no way to get more seating in the theater, but if someone could stop people from piling their belongings on the chairs and then leaving them the whole time, that would be great.

Rave: Woodland. Just *sigh* They are wonderful. The sound went a tiny only at the beginning and it did not slow them down at all. A very talented band with a unique sound.

The Eugene ballet and a briliiant puppeteer whose name I am embarrassed I do not know (someone clue me in please?) did a heart wrenchingly beautiful show with ballerinas reacting to the beautiful enlongated wooden puppet. Just gorgeous. I was stunned and to be honest, a little teary eyed.

Faun debuted a little home made video as a "hello to the FW people" kind of thing. It was very pretty and I am looking forward to seeing them at the FW main event.

BIG RAVE: The night was close to perfect. With only a few minor hitches (seating) and you have to remember, this is the first one. I ran a convention for 9 years and I know that the first one is always massively fichachta... but this was almost perfect!

The BAD FAERIES Ball
Saturday night's bad faeries ball seemed twice as packed. The costumes were amazing!
Tricky Pixie performed again but this time with Alexander (I dont say Alec because my husband is an Alec) and they were even better. The music was naughty and wild and everyone went ape shit dancing to it. Much joy! Trillian Green played, this time a bit more rock and roll... which was devine. But I was looking forward to Kan'Nal. I saved most of my dancing for Kan'Nal. *sigh* But for me, something unfortunately went wrong. I have epilepsy, so strobe lights used in long periods of time cause seizures. They went several songs of solid strobe lights and I had to leave. But in honesty that was not the only problem. The band that played was not the Kan'Nal I like, meaning they have changed their sound. I am used to Kan'Nal playing tribal rock with an ethereal rock vocalist. This was heavy metal. The sound was so loud and full of distortion that I dould not make out what was what and I really could not hear them at all. Apparently, many people felt this way, as the lobby and hallway became more and more crowded as Kan'Nal played. I talked to some people who said "What the hell is this?" My favorite song ("Gypsy") was unrecognizable. I hate being a buzz kill, but strobe lights for fifteen minutes at a time do NOT enhance a show. Not in ANY way. They are annoying even to people without epilepsy. I might be a buzz kill in saying "Turn that shit off" but I am more important than a strobe light.

THANK YOU to the gentleman lighting guy on Good Faeries night who eased off the strobe light for me. You rock, Mr. Lighting The Faerie Ballz Guy!

Other than those hitches, it was wonderful. The faeries (Robert, Kelly, emilio....) have a fantastic set of balls and I plan to return again, as a regular.

January 10, 2009
Bipolar Disorder
Yesterday, my wonderful friend Alexis was kind enough to be both my ride and more importantly my support system for a dreaded visit to a doctor. I have always known I am bipolar. I have been diagnosed before "manic depressive" (which is the same thing) and put on Depakote and Prozac and a bunch of other drugs I despise taking. So... I saw the doctor and was very upfront with him about my aversion to psychotherapy- basically, I refuse to go to therapy. I have been in psychological councelling off and on my whole life and it has NEVER helped me. In fact, I have gained new traumas from going to therapy, so hell no. I equate my experiences in therapy to be emotional rape:

"Let's talk about all the bad shit that happened to you... in detail... over and over and over and over again... oh, nbow you are having a nervous breakdown because you are reliving those horrifying experiences... we're making progress!"

Fuck you, doc.

But I digress.

The doc visit went alright. I have Bipolar type 2, ADD (no surprise there) and some sleeping disorders.
Abilify, Strattera and Lunesta are my cocktail, and then Klonopin and Altruline for my seizures.

I hate taking pills.

But hopefully I will feel less shitty. Today is the first day I am taking the new meds- I feel exhausted and restless at the same time. And like little tiny spiders are crawling on my skin.

I need a pill that will do my laundry.

January 5, 2009
Cooking, Winter cleaning, and bitching about my house
I have been messing around in the kitchen and particularly messing with some Indian ingredients- I love curry, freaking love it. I made a "Winterveil Breakfast Burrito" yesterday morning. I call it Winterveil because I play too much Warcraft. It is the pagan concept of using all the stuff that will go off soon if you don't and having a random feast, usually all thrown into one pot.

Cubed potato, green and yellow bell pepper, red curry, shallots, red onion, pepper jack cheese, some crumbled breakfast sausages, paneer cubes, cumin... and it was goooood. Very fattening, but goooood.

*sigh* so, I need to clean my house. It is very messy since I have been sick and have not done it in a while. I made a list, will start soon, but...

MY HOUSE IS TOO COLD.

When we moved to Fremont, we could not move into an apartment because we have been out of the USA for years and have no rental record in the USA. We had to get a house and rent from owner. There were four houses available (six but two of the owners never showed up to meet with us) within our price range. One of the houses was on the loudest intersection on Earth. Another one smelled of cat piss. Another one was nextdoor to an elementary school AND smelled like cat piss (what the hell?) and the last one, was THIS one. It LOOKED great. Nothing spectacular, but has a large living room, hardwood floor, three bedrooms... Well, this is the house from HELL.

The electrical system is so old that if we turn on the coffee pot in the office, the computers go off. The washer/dryer hook up will not fit a modern machine. The heater has not worked in ages- PG&E is going to try and fix it tomorrow- The doors don't fit the door frames!!! The fucking doors to two of the bedrooms, plus the bathroom DO NOT CLOSE!!! The train tracks (train tracks!) in the BACK YARD that we were assured "the train only comes once a day" actually try about seven times a day- ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT TOO! It rattles the windows.

Our house is so cold that we are hot boxed into one room with space heaters and blankets around us.

I hate this house. We both hate this house. Our neighbors play window rattling music at 2am every night. We hate this neighborhood.

If they don't fix the heat tomorrow we are breaking our lease and moving.

Bipolar news, depression stuff, Yosemite vacation update and random blather
I'm bipolar. Surprise, surprise. Because I really need THAT as the cherry on my crap sundae. I am going in for treatment evaluation on the 5th.

Meanwhile, I spent a week in Yosemite, which was gorgeous, except that Alec and I were sick the whole time. The last day we sucked it up and went for a short hike in Yosemite Valley- amazingly, ethereally gorgeous in all of it's Wintery splendor. Part of the trail down is covered in ice, and I ended up using my coat as a sled and sledding very fast down the hill- lots of fun, I have not laughed that hard in a looooong time.
We are both still sick but nearly as bad as we were the last week.

Depression sucks, obviously, but it sucks in ways that a lot of people don't know about. Like standing still and "zoning" for minutes at a time when you are supposed to be doing something. My teeth ache from tension from clenching my jaw all the time which I normally don't do. I forget to eat, sometimes for two days- and then only only remember to eat because someone reminds me I have to. I sleep too much one night then am awake for two days. I can't focus. This SUCKS!

In other less important news, my rabbit chewed a rabbit size hole into my sofa and pulled the stuffing out. I think she is depressed too.

In happier news, I am getting ready to go to the Faerieworlds Good Faeries/Bad Faeries Ball in Oregon at the end of the month. I am going to wear a saree as a costume and faerie it out a bit. Then it is off to Panama for a month, but I am not happy about leaving my bunny for a month. Alexis is going to house and bunny sit for us, but I will miss my bunmonster terribly.

In short- I am pretty screwed up right now so I need my friends to be patient with me and all my eccentricities which are sometimes unpleasant.

Nerding out... and Fry's Electronics being held up while I was in the store.
I got to nerd out today. I am sick with a ripping cold, and so is Alec, so we are putting off our Anniversary celebrations till next weekend. But we made it to Fry's... nerd heaven. Alec bought components to build a gaming computer. I bought Spore, a mouse that turned out to be a shitty mouse, a card reader for my camera, and as a gift for Alec I bought a book about how to make an automatic pet feeder robot out of a VCR and toothpicks. Tres joy. So, we are in Fry's and I step over to get some air and a woman approaches the security team and says that a group of teeneagers have a gun and are talking about robbing the store. So, they go to track down the kids and I go to track down Alec and Jonnie to get them out of the store, though I think it would take more than some kid with a gun to get Alec out of Fry's. I cannot find them, so I think maybe they have finished and are outside. I go outside in time to see 7 cop cars, loads of police and all of them are on edge and going in. I split to go and find Alec and Jonnie again, this time I see them at the counter. In minutes, the cops have five boys handcuffed and three guns confiscated. I overheard the cop say one of the boys was fifteen years old. So, nobody hurt, and most of the people in the store did not even notice. But those kids had THREE GUNS.

And since when is Fry's Electronics "The Hood"? Then again, there was someone who spoke English at Burger King's drive through today- so there must be some kind of disturbance in the force.